Truth: You Can't Handle The Truth!

I start all of my relationships with this one request: "Tell me the truth. Even if it breaks my heart respect my right to know." Men usually respond by saying that I don't mean that, probably because I am fatally attracted to a smooth man. Nevertheless, I mean what I say and I say what I mean.

In talking with my friends lately, I am understanding that women can't handle the truth. I remember when this was true for me and I hope this helps you as much as remembering it has helped me.

One of my ex-lovers was a player. To his core he was a con-man. He saw every person as a means to his end. In his warped view he believed that he gave love and what he wanted was his receiving love. He never let go of women from his past the ones that remained devoted he used for whatever purpose they could serve while holding a relationship just out of reach. In all fairness to me I was not aware of this in the beginning. I felt like I was his Queen to be! The reality is that people who try to control you are the best at making you love them. (I have a saying that if he/she (especially she) spends a lot of money in the beginning they are placing a down payment to secure you for the future drama. Beware of the Sugar Daddy!)
As we dated and he whined and dined me. I was just loving him and not listening to that still small voice inside of me that was screaming this dude is going to play you like a card game. The interesting part was that he told just enough of the truth and avoided the incriminating details. As I spent a year being wrapped up in a beautiful lie, my soul began to decay. I began hating myself for being "that girl." I need the truth to live above the demons that want entry into my life. So living a lie was opening doors to misery I was sure I had conquered.
So when my dear aunt came to my house and took me out to an abandoned church to re-dedicate myself to my first love - GOD, I changed my outlook. It took time and cost me lots of money, but I moved away from the lie. Not so much the ones that he told, which were white and small compared to the ones that I told myself about what and who we were together. All along I knew the truth but I didn’t want to accept it.
Was that his fault? No. I have forgiven myself for not listening to my spirit and allowing so much pain and disappointment to infiltrate my existence. He was who he is and it was my choice to allow that in my life. God and Life changes people, not other people or their feelings for them, trust me on that!
I wish men could understand that sometimes women stay despite the worse that has happened. Truth creates respect.
If a person reveals the worse of themselves are you living in the truth in such a way that you understand and refuse to judge or be rude? When you know who you are you know what you can handle and if the subject is one that makes your spirit uneasy be brave and leave that person alone. I say be brave because the easiest thing to do in any relationship is stay.
I was a coward. I stayed because I enjoyed the time spent and the status symbols. I drank the kool-aid as they say and it was more fun to put in a pretty glass than to put it down.
So first, love you enough to know what you value then accept that even if he does not say it, you know the truth. Then be brave enough to leave him alone.
Now I want to address a few situations: If the man tells you the truth, don't trip because of it, especially if you knew it was likely to have been happening. Secondly, closure is pagan concept!!!! You do not need him to admit what you feel in your belly to leave him. Just go and you do not have to talk about it or let him know you are moving on. Enough conversations with your voicemail will send the picture loud and clear. Trust your intuition. Finally, cultivate your spirit so that you can hear it. Be able to determine between jealousy, past hurt and what you know the God In You sees in the Spirit World.

Getting Some for Yourself

As a woman it is in our nature to be the protectors of all that we love. Our words and actions are loaded with lioness like prowess. I have often identified with the lioness as she embodies the woman in every aspect. Many believe her to be weak because she does not posess the visible mane of her husband, but true fans know she is responsible for feeding her family. Her strength is underestimated. Defined by her regal beauty, excellent leadership, immeasurable strength, strong work ethic and provision responsibilities. Yet she is a friend to her pack, a mother to her children, a wife to her sometimes wondering husband and a manager of her life and interactions with others. Now with that description of her life I am sure you can see how much you have in common with the big kitty that I have loved to look at since I was a child.
My son in deed and I spoke recently about him needing a mentor. He wanted someone to look up to a man that exemplified the qualities I was demanding of him. I gave him some advice that I think is relevant to all people growing in the world. Become that which you seek. Even if the battle begins with studying why other people haven’t achieved the greatness or the excellence demanded of you. The greatest of men left what they knew to become what they could believe. So what are you looking for in the world? What are you complaining about that wont come? Now what are you doing to make it happen against the odds.
Most women can identify with wanting a man. While I am a very attractive woman(thank God) even I have wanted a new man when I was bored with my current one. The mistake most women make is when they want a new or an actual relationship they tend to make that list every church girl has in her Bible. Whether you make it in your head or your journal you figure out what you want. Now I want to challenge you to write a list of what characteristics compliment the list. EX: a great listener (guy) – intelligent conversation (girl). If you want a fine man do you love yourself enough to be confident with your pimple? Good looking men are confident and if you lack it they will not give you any real attention no matter how much you work for it. If you want some help I am willing to help you with your list. If you are reading this and you have a list of characteristics for your dream man, send it to me. I would love to provide you with some characteristics for you!
I am fully aware that you may not possess the qualities that compliment but that is the point of this blog. Get them. Become the you, you want to be by any means necessary.
Let me say this first, I am a church girl tried and 30 years true so don’t judge me as I expose you! Now to my point – church people are trained to be religious. They spend an hour a day and 4 plus hours on Sunday studying the path. They are taught to resist what comes natural and meditate/pray to keep their thoughts off of what’s around them and on the words of the first printed book. So if you are one of these people you have an advantage. Start believing in your ability and spend an hour a day meditating on your own thoughts and what need to change with them. Spend the next 4 hours you have on Sunday studying books and facts that associate to your desired self. Spend the time on you, then you will be better at your practices. Life is about the living! Be Purposeful in Your Planting
ANR

The innate ability provided to the female species of human is to nurture. We grow things: people, plants, animals, businesses, families, problems, and habits. This makes us the caretakers of the universe. Unfortunately, we have been deceived by the evil in the world into believing that we can not take care of each other as women past puberty. Though this is not true for all women, many of us have girlfriends. Some of us have purchased the lie and developed lifestyle that limits our female contact to family and non-interpersonal relationships.
As a woman we are constantly pulled in different directions by the demands associated with our life. We lend pieces of ourselves to everything that needs us and feel guilty when we don’t. As a teenager I had no idea the demands placed on a woman with a giving spirit. I saw my grandmother be used up by everyone with a need and I was sure that she was just weak, and I vowed to never be that way. I loathed tears because they further conveyed an inward weakness. I told myself that no one would ever make a fool of me or take my last. I thought that if I didn’t give any part of my self I would be okay. As I woman, I understand that kind of fear leaves you lonely and can lead to an emotional break down and feeling like you don’t have anything left. We all need somebody!
On the other side of the foolishness of my youth I realize that the most important thing is to have a balance. To save some of you for yourself!!! I have heard, since I was twelve, the earth be compared to a mother; a woman, a right that is divinely ours and abundantly glorious. The world requires so much of us because as the Bible declares much has been given us. To look at a woman in her full glory is a beautiful thing to behold. Shapely, beautiful, intelligent, resourceful, wise, patient, perfect listeners, a loud voice, a silent prayer; and that barely scratches her surface. Woman, God’s most creative thing.
So how do you keep some of your gloriousness for you? I was hoping you would ask. Mind you this is just one black woman’s opinion but believe me every rule has more life lessons attached than I can list here. Print this out and paste it to your bathroom mirror. Write each rule in your journal and replace my example with one of your own, and make a copy to put on your desk. Repetition is the key to creating a habit! Make your efforts towards being a peaceful person in the earth a habit. Peace is better than happiness but that’s another topic.
Rule #1: Become comfortable saying no to anyone that can or will ask for anything. As an individual you have an agenda. You have a list of tasks required to get the things that you have got to do for your life, period. No matter how you organize or un-organize it, you’re getting the living done. Everything you do for other people is extra. That goes from having dinner with someone you just met to picking up groceries for your mom. People will always ask you to do something, and if you think for a moment about what you’re asked to do by other people you will realize the bigger and the more inconvenient the task are associated with the more you love and respect the person. Thus, creating, in your mind at least, a rationalization of why you put yourself through it. The word “NO” and the action of “Nothing” is not a sin, injustice, or evil. The way to determine if the question deserves the “no” answer ask yourself a few questions. Do I have something else to do that this will interfere with? If I do this is it crippling the person receiving from being stronger and more responsible? If I don’t, will what I decide to do instead provide a greater benefit to my life? If the answer to any of these three I yes, then tell them no!!!
Never give anyone more of yourself than you have to let go of. Between work, family, friends and church you can find yourself burned out to the point that all you can do at home is sleep or watch the television to see other people live while you feel that you barely exist. I had to pick up a pen and make a schedule for my days first, then my weeks. I added time for myself and all the things that I wanted to get done for home, work and family. Then I penciled the extra in where I was free and okay with spending the time. When you say I have to check my book, mean it! LOL
Spend enough time alone to like yourself and your own company. I have to give this credit to my aunt who taught me this by example. I asked her once what have you been doing sitting here all day? She responded spending time with me. Then she added I like me and my own company. I realized that sometimes we are so busy with other people that we forget to take the time necessary to enjoy our own company. It is a wonderful thing to be able to sit still and appreciate you own thoughts. To be warmed by the sunshine in your own smile. It can be a liberating experience. There are days when I sit on my couch and look out the window and think of all the possibilities for the outside world. Having suffered from depression it was awesome to come to that place and feel free and not held in that position by the weight of life but more by the relaxation from the day.
Spend time in silence, praying, meditating and releasing everything that weighs you. At one point in my life I had hours to do this. I did not have a child and I was in college so my life was mine. Then I came home and without nine months of preparation became a full time parent and a basketball mom. I had a real hard time adjusting. I worked so hard to keep order I was burning myself out. Then I relaxed too much and felt like I was failing, but the reality was that I had lost myself. I was so busy doing other things that I failed to take the time I needed for myself and I was empty of positivity and full of shhhhh.
Since my laptop lost the other four I had typed I will end here. Please hit me up if you like dislike, agree or disagree. I am open to your opinion. That way I know somebody is out there…..