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Friday, June 25, 2010

The innate ability provided to the female species of human is to nurture. We grow things: people, plants, animals, businesses, families, problems, and habits. This makes us the caretakers of the universe. Unfortunately, we have been deceived by the evil in the world into believing that we can not take care of each other as women past puberty. Though this is not true for all women, many of us have girlfriends. Some of us have purchased the lie and developed lifestyle that limits our female contact to family and non-interpersonal relationships.
As a woman we are constantly pulled in different directions by the demands associated with our life. We lend pieces of ourselves to everything that needs us and feel guilty when we don’t. As a teenager I had no idea the demands placed on a woman with a giving spirit. I saw my grandmother be used up by everyone with a need and I was sure that she was just weak, and I vowed to never be that way. I loathed tears because they further conveyed an inward weakness. I told myself that no one would ever make a fool of me or take my last. I thought that if I didn’t give any part of my self I would be okay. As I woman, I understand that kind of fear leaves you lonely and can lead to an emotional break down and feeling like you don’t have anything left. We all need somebody!
On the other side of the foolishness of my youth I realize that the most important thing is to have a balance. To save some of you for yourself!!! I have heard, since I was twelve, the earth be compared to a mother; a woman, a right that is divinely ours and abundantly glorious. The world requires so much of us because as the Bible declares much has been given us. To look at a woman in her full glory is a beautiful thing to behold. Shapely, beautiful, intelligent, resourceful, wise, patient, perfect listeners, a loud voice, a silent prayer; and that barely scratches her surface. Woman, God’s most creative thing.
So how do you keep some of your gloriousness for you? I was hoping you would ask. Mind you this is just one black woman’s opinion but believe me every rule has more life lessons attached than I can list here. Print this out and paste it to your bathroom mirror. Write each rule in your journal and replace my example with one of your own, and make a copy to put on your desk. Repetition is the key to creating a habit! Make your efforts towards being a peaceful person in the earth a habit. Peace is better than happiness but that’s another topic.
Rule #1: Become comfortable saying no to anyone that can or will ask for anything. As an individual you have an agenda. You have a list of tasks required to get the things that you have got to do for your life, period. No matter how you organize or un-organize it, you’re getting the living done. Everything you do for other people is extra. That goes from having dinner with someone you just met to picking up groceries for your mom. People will always ask you to do something, and if you think for a moment about what you’re asked to do by other people you will realize the bigger and the more inconvenient the task are associated with the more you love and respect the person. Thus, creating, in your mind at least, a rationalization of why you put yourself through it. The word “NO” and the action of “Nothing” is not a sin, injustice, or evil. The way to determine if the question deserves the “no” answer ask yourself a few questions. Do I have something else to do that this will interfere with? If I do this is it crippling the person receiving from being stronger and more responsible? If I don’t, will what I decide to do instead provide a greater benefit to my life? If the answer to any of these three I yes, then tell them no!!!
Never give anyone more of yourself than you have to let go of. Between work, family, friends and church you can find yourself burned out to the point that all you can do at home is sleep or watch the television to see other people live while you feel that you barely exist. I had to pick up a pen and make a schedule for my days first, then my weeks. I added time for myself and all the things that I wanted to get done for home, work and family. Then I penciled the extra in where I was free and okay with spending the time. When you say I have to check my book, mean it! LOL
Spend enough time alone to like yourself and your own company. I have to give this credit to my aunt who taught me this by example. I asked her once what have you been doing sitting here all day? She responded spending time with me. Then she added I like me and my own company. I realized that sometimes we are so busy with other people that we forget to take the time necessary to enjoy our own company. It is a wonderful thing to be able to sit still and appreciate you own thoughts. To be warmed by the sunshine in your own smile. It can be a liberating experience. There are days when I sit on my couch and look out the window and think of all the possibilities for the outside world. Having suffered from depression it was awesome to come to that place and feel free and not held in that position by the weight of life but more by the relaxation from the day.
Spend time in silence, praying, meditating and releasing everything that weighs you. At one point in my life I had hours to do this. I did not have a child and I was in college so my life was mine. Then I came home and without nine months of preparation became a full time parent and a basketball mom. I had a real hard time adjusting. I worked so hard to keep order I was burning myself out. Then I relaxed too much and felt like I was failing, but the reality was that I had lost myself. I was so busy doing other things that I failed to take the time I needed for myself and I was empty of positivity and full of shhhhh.
Since my laptop lost the other four I had typed I will end here. Please hit me up if you like dislike, agree or disagree. I am open to your opinion. That way I know somebody is out there…..

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