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Friday, April 29, 2016

Find Your Place to Refresh

Are you in a dry place in your life? Do you feel like you can not access the fruit of your efforts. Have you emptied your cup for the saucer experience? If this is where you find yourself then come here and sit with me for a while and I will attempt to help you. My love once taught me that help is only help when it is perceived as such otherwise it is interference. I hope that if you have read this far I am not interfering but I am going to get a little in your business.
Here are five of the places that dry us out.
1.      Negative relationships
2.     Dwelling on past failures and disappointments
3.     Wanting more for people than they want for themselves
4.     Dying with the lie
5.     Involuntary Surrender
One  two and three are pretty self explanatory and if you have ever sought to better yourself then you know these relationships and habits are hard to break but worth the effort. It is draining to let anyone speak into your life things that do not edify it. You can’t be okay with the relationship that doesn’t feed you plain and simple. I will starve before I eat molded bread. More people will always come, you can make new friends and that man is replaceable beyond your hurt feelings and a few lonely nights protect your prosperity by removing these types of people.  We all make mistakes and living in those moments divert you attention from current opportunities and leave you seeing life in the rearview experiencing loss and sadness.  Go get your life back. Release the past, I have a process that I follow for disappointments. It is available on my website. (link the word website) And number three is about family. Your family are the people that you can not get rid of even if you do not have them in your life on a daily basis they are still your blood. For these types of draining relationships you have to do work of loving people where they are. If you don’t want a college degree then okay Im sorry that is your choice but as a result you have this amount of time to get out of my house and you can expect this much and type of help from me going forward. Finish with “Don’t believe me just watch this moving company come in box your things and leave them at the edge of the driveway. I love you.”
Now for the reasons that ignited the need for this blog. Number 4 – Dying with the Lie. I would often accuse my love of being a cheater and I was right he was and is. The reality of that was that I did not mind the cheating as much as I despised being lied to. I hated knowing and not being able to talk about it, not getting the details so I could move on with my life. Now that is odd and doesn’t relate to most people but the point is I had to live with his lies that he would swear by even in the face of proof that he had lied. Living in a place that wasn’t true to who I am made me sick with myself and as a result I was draining my cup. Prior to that growing up in a terrible parenting situation trying to call the man that I look like my father when he had never been an active part of my life. Saying the words mother to a woman that had tried since birth to kill me physically and emotionally since birth felt like a lie I could not live with as result I started referring to them by name and felt immediately better. They were not my parents they were the vessels that would bring me to my real parents. Lying to myself that they were more than that was draining my cup. You get the picture? Something in your life is a lie, honor yourself with the truth and let the lie die.
Number 5 – Involuntary Surrender.  I have often found myself caught up in situations that I had no idea how I had gotten into the mess or how I would get out. More often than we realize we surrender to people to situations to responsibilities that we have no capacity to take on. I have learned to honor my gifts by only doing what serves them. Only attending events that feed my purpose and if it doesn’t and I happen to go I don’t stay long. I make it my business to be present in my life to show up for myself and to ask myself what the yes will cost me.  What is the yes costing you that you have not accounted for?

I said all of this to say that after every tough time after all of the energy depletion and disappointment you must seek to be refreshed. I love the beach and going there revives me, but when I can’t get there I clean my house and have a staycation in which I rest, pray, read, write, sleep, plan, eat well, and binge watch television. I cut-off my cellphone and only take house phone calls. Yes I have a house phone, are you judging me? I have child a business and a job.
So in closing find your happy place by resting in the power of God and self. Re-enter your life refreshed and protect the power and resources that you have stored in your cup. God will add increase for the saucer, but he has to have something to increase. It is not magic, while I do believe in magic, I am convinced that growth and prosperity are achieved by an increase to effort. I can’t expect to win blogging awards if I don’t write blogs. I cant expect to have bestsellers if Idont market the books I write. I do the work God gives the increase. You do the work and as sure as he promised it God will give the increase.

I love you


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

My #uglytruth

Tonight, I watched Being Mary Jane and decided to tell my #uglytruth here. I blog because sometimes I have so much to say then I fail to blog because I can't figure out how to say the multitude of thoughts and opinions flooding my brain. So here I am blogging and telling my truth.

The truth is that I spent noticeably 18 years of my life wanting to die. A truth that has brought me to my greatest call in life, to share with others my pain and how I came to a place of healing. I was abused disregarded and fractured in so many ways as a child that I just couldn't cope. I shut down and hid my truth from not only the adults in my life that may or may not have been able to help me but from myself. I trusted no one and held hatred like an all too familiar blanket. I stored my pain in a closed off cell of my heart while I went on to damage my body by choosing lovers that were damaged and fragile, choosing friends that had something to prove not support to offer. I took care of everyone but myself and believed the lie that I was just fine.

Then after missing a really nice event because I had taken far to many sleeping pills and instead of killing me they made me vomit and sleep for two days, I asked myself the question: Why are you doing this too yourself? I had no idea and the cell my pain was locked in raged war inside of my but I had no idea that freeing it would fix it. I began what I had decided to define as my yearly purge cry. I would cry for days, just weeping like I had lost a loved one or a job or things that matter to people that much. I had no idea why and this had been happening for years so I for the second time sought medical attention. They gave me drugs that literally hurt my teeth. I could not get it together so realizing that the pills didn't make a difference in my mood I continued my quest to stop the emotional spiral. I have been in church my whole life and nothing about my religion or my spirituality had stopped me from fantasizing about running my car off the road and how to do it right so I didn't wake up in a hospital. So I knew that prayer and meditation were a tool but not the answer. So I stayed the course and began writing more. For some people gardening does it but for me nothing makes me feel clearer than words on a page, out loud, I love words. So I wrote until I received an epiphany. I got to my truth. Man it was bad. It was all kinds of horrible abuse, neglect, shaming, bullying I had lived through the nightmare and because i wouldn't accept that it had no power in the present it was keeping me up all night. I inventoried the emotions and I faced them one by one. I looked into the eye of my storm, right at that broken little girl hiding in the closet and I said to her that she was okay. I helped her understand that none of her experience was going to break her that she was born for greatness and like Joseph she was being made ready by the words of her testimony.

So when you are faced with giving up and letting go don't accept the lie that world will be better off without you. It will be better off by you becoming the person that all the evil tried to destroy. As always: Suicide is an unfortunate choice that a sane person makes when they feel like they aren't worth fighting for.  I plead with all of you today to choose yourself. Say out loud: I deserve to live this life and the best for me is yet to come I want to see it. After all the hell I've been through I should stick around to see my life get greater.
I love you because that's easy, I don't live with you!
Get Some For Yourself,

Monday, September 1, 2014

Dealing With Depression

I have a family history of mental illness and drug abuse. Early on in life this terrified me and being a believer in the power of a testimony I sought out people who were successful against all odds from King Saul to Tyler Perry. What I learned from their stories was that you never come out of these things unscathed. Some demon of your past always haunts your present. For me it is deep sadness, and I just disappear into myself in an effort to avoid my pain or disappointment.  So if you have to deal with depression and you have tried and failed at ignoring the sadness associated with your plight here are my own steps that I am working right now, as in as I write this.

Step 1: Acknowledge what triggered the sadness or disappointment. Clearly face that this has happened and your feeling about it, how would you have liked to had changed things, what do you wish had happened instead.

Step 2: Accept that this is a page in your book of life and grieve it. Cry over it, eat ice cream on it, or my personal favorite, sit and look one way. Whatever it takes allow yourself the process that loss has to go through.

Step 3: Announce Your Forgiveness: Enough is enough with anything not getting you to your dreams. The bible says that when you stand praying stand forgiving. So forgive yourself for allowing it, forgive those that left hurt or denied you and forgive the universe for not yielding to your will. Say it out loud in a place that you will remember being. This marks your thinking.

Step 4: Resist The Emotions: You will remember parts oof it, you will remember your failures your will regret doing nothing or regret doing to much. These are demonic forces trying to allow the depression to enter in. Remind yourself of the place you stood and forgave and how you accepted that their was nothing more to be done and fight to focus on moving forward.

Step  5: Do What You Are Afraid To Do: Whatever the depression made you feel like you did not have the strength to get done, complete that very thing. Whatever overwhelmed you face it and fight forward. It teaches the world and the depression that you are the victor!

Step 6: Be Gentle With Yourself: Sometimes it will feel like to much, sometimes moving forward means moving through a mess you made. So as you work through the pain of not having what you wanted or not having what you need, return to Step 1 and know that you have an expected end. To whom much is given more is required, and if you were not born with purpose these word mean nothing to you.

We fight when something is at stake: freedom, a way of life, an ideal, or to force people to our will or religious beliefs. So if the evil of this world is fighting you: you must protect your freedom, fight for your way of life, wage war to see manifestation of your purpose, and violently take by force the universe to submit to your will and God's will as it relates to your life. 

Save This For Yourself

Monday, July 28, 2014

Know The Promise

Today I am reminded of a quote I posted earlier this week “When stuck between rock and hard place stand still and demand that God clear your path.”

I have realized a few things I want to share about putting a demand on The Promises of God:
  1. You have to know what the promises are
  2. You have to have a revelation of your purpose
  3. You have to have faith which is believing and acting on what you believe

-Whenever I am in a bible study group or sunday school class I suggest that women read the word and know what God promised. In my current denomination of faith we talk a lot about the testimonies of God’s people in the bible but not about God’s promises and how they translate. So I am often encouraging people to read the bible and pray for revelation. Ex: When God said that tithing would cause him to rebuke the devourer for my sake, I confess that no man can harm my life and I am redeemed from accidents, theft and untimely death.

-When you have not sat still with yourself and God to understand why he put you here and what you need to be successful then you are at a disadvantage because I have realized that God is not the only Being aware of your potential, Satin is too. So if your don’t get in the game then you have no idea what your angels are fighting for and you will make decisions that are contrary to God’s plan for your life and find yourself in places that God has to work a miracle to get you out of. Which is not a good thing because miracles are a sign of the power that works in us to the none believer.

-Self explanatory! If God called you to be a teacher start with a degree. If God called you to be an news woman practice reading  script while being recorded.

If you know where you are going work the plan and work that word till you are where God promised you will be and when it feels like you can’t make it another step the breakthrough is so close that Satin is scared to keep charging towards your goals and take the kingdome by force. God promised some things and it takes valiant effort to see them manifested in our lives.

Be strong, Be Purposeful, Be Successful!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Revelation From The Power Falling

Last night while on a iTunes gospel station and a song came on that found me right where I was. The words said “Let your power fall when your name is called, prove the doubters wrong. God your still mighty and strong. So fight this battle for me and help my unbelief so i can tell all my friends that you have won again!” I could stomp and shout right now all over this room. I jumped last night and i am leaping  now in my spirit because these words are for those that are with me in the process of getting to the place that God ordained for them, still believing God for the next moment, still  saying no to good alternatives to the promise in order to maintain the pursuit of it. God ministered/preached this song to me with a revelation that I am compelled to share here. 

“Let you power fall, when your name is called.”
In trouble we don't always think of a scripture but if we have a relationship we know how to call on the name of Jesus! The power behind his name will change not just some but all things. I have screamed “help ME Jesus and before I could get to my destination he sent Help! Never take his name lightly because you need to harvest the power in the name to see a manifestation in your life. He has the power to do what you need done! So be specific when you call on the power!

“Prove the doubters wrong”
See when God speaks his vision into you it is for you and not for the people around you. I am reminded of Joseph when he saw his end at the beginning when he was just becoming a man. He told people that were threatened by the promise God made to him. He told people that went beyond doubting to set out plans to kill the promise. I believe in my sanctified imagination that Joseph talked to God while working as a slave and said I am the head and not the tail God elevate me according to promise give me the wisdom operate like a king and not slave. I can hear him resisting the mindset of hopelessness and poverty and the very mentality of slavery. He carried himself like a great man and that commitment was what kept elevating him despite the devil’s attempts to thwart his vision. What I love about it is that none of what he went through was wasted, and he made it to the promise. 

“God Your mighty and strong”
Sometimes we have to remember that we serve a God referred to as “The Lion of the Tribe of Judah” He is victorious! We win we are not just conquers but more than conquerors. We are in an elite class of people we are King’s children with an incorruptible promise. He can and is willing to do whatever you need done.

“So fight this battle for me”
Then God said the battle is often in your mind or your spirit because you have a spiritual warfare and your testimony is strengthened every time you beat the devil! Like they say if he did it before he can do it again but the best thing about it is I suffer less every time because I have a calm confidence and secret smile that suggests my knowing. I don’t have to lift a finger because I am preserved by a promise, this word is gong to fight this battle for me and in the end, I win!

“…and help my unbelief”
My unbelief is fueled by the doubters that have spoken words that planted a seed in me of doubt. As I am fighting to get to my purpose I am wondering if. If God really called me to this, if I should really relocate my life my family, if I should quit this job, if I should start this business if I should ask for help, if I should sow this seed. I am unconsciously doubting the power of God even though I am consciously “in Faith” for so many things. But I am again reminded of a scripture Philippians 2:13 that says “For it is God that works in you both to will and  todo of his good pleasure.” I can do it even if I don't believe I can because I trust you and you are not a man that you should lie! I esteem Go degreaser than my circumstances.

“So I can tell all my friends that you have won again”
Job’s captivity was turned when he prayed for his friends and if you ever read the whole story then you know those doubters were not his friends they were the same people that told him that God was no longer with him. They were the ones that were backbiting and gossiping about him, But God. My current pastor said just today that he prays for his enemies to live if for no other reason than for them to see the promise of God performed in his life. I believe the song says you have won again because it is not your battle! Every faith fight every time you overcome the attack of the enemy in pursuit of purpose you did not fight for you God did not just move for you He moved for His vision birthed in you for His purpose to be fulfilled for the souls assigned to your ministry. It is liken to the US Army, when you sign up you sell yourself to become the property of the United States of America. You are in battles that are not about you but about the agenda of the US government. Every mission you successfully complete belongs to the U.S. and you. When you call on the name of Jesus you are surrendering to ownership of Jesus Christ and you just have participate in the plan while The Lion of The Tribe of Judah that has never lost a battle fights for you! Whatever God promised you is yours and no demon can kill you and no sickness or disease can destroy you because God is going to get you to the promise because he can’t lie.

I know it was long but I hope it blessed you. I pray you were able to get some revelation and joy for obtaining God’s promise.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

In Honor of A Queen

I had previously prepared a blog about why I hadn’t blogged but tonight I am blogging about the void left in the space of the Great Dr. Maya Angelou. She was like none before her and none to come. Her height her class her elegance her beauty her intelligence and whit it will takes years for us to truly understand the depth but like most if not all greats she will be studied and sought for understanding and in that lives will be changed and closed spirits will open light will shine in dark places and the curious will find “a rainbow in the clouds”.

I had the privilege of being in her presence only once I attended a gala in which she was invited to speak. As a child I had dreamed of going to one of her lectures at the university, but as life began to pull me by the time I came back to that dream she had retired from teaching. So on the night I meditated for twenty minutes prior to attending the gala, I was so in the clouds I got lost getting their but I wanted my heart and mind to elevate so that I could absorb every second, and having been robbed of many of my memories by depression I made notes after. Yet there are moments that I hold dear from that evening that are simply details that I didn’t think were worthy of writing down, but hold deep in my heart; like when she cleared her throat with a cough and we (the audience) did the same she said “now you are with me in a way that we are beginning to mimic each other”. She held us that captive as she spoke of her childhood and caged bird experience, her health and her need for her glasses. She stood and sat as her body allowed. She taught me that evening about Terence the first African American Playwright, you could read what a Google search further enhanced. She referenced him for a point that she often made: ”I am human and nothing about the human experience is alien to me.” This was her message for forgiveness and a roadmap to resisting judgment. Then in her beautiful baritone she sang these beautiful words “When it looked like da sun wasn’t gone shine nomore God put a rainbow in the clouds.” O Lawd I never forgot it! I wept at the power of it. Much like I later saw her weep at the thought of how much God loved her.

There is popular Gospel song entitled Take me to the King, my jam! To have been in the presence of Dr. Angelou for me was like greeting a Queen. I was forever changed and touched by the magnitude of her presence. So as I return to my great love of writing and sharing my stories I will take so many things with me from this wise woman, who had the privilege of being loved enough to offer love and self respect to the world in a way that we could mimic her until we got it for ourselves.

Enjoy God’s Presence Great Queen Dr Maya Angelou.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Can You Be A Cynic about Love?

I often wonder if I am cynical about love or just the likelihood that I will experience it. Today I read one of my favorite works of poetry Desiderata. (Click the link to read it.) It inspired my latest rant. I have decided to share my philosophy about love and why I have been a cynic and to be clear I have decided to define our terms for this blog:
Cynic: a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view.
Love: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

To begin I am a lover. I love hard and deep, passionately and patiently. I love like my heart will never be broken and like the object of my affection is incapable of wrong. I see the good and work with the bad; I prioritize affection and care to the point of distraction. If given the chance I could be the happiest homemaker and mother in the world! With a strong beautiful and productive family that is the both successful and effective.

The problem is that I know what I can give but I am helpless to what I receive. Because I know the magnitude of my female power I am determined to be loved adequately. I refuse to be disregarded, but I loathe being a distraction. The problem may be the extremes. I want to be cared for but not taken care of. I want to be desired but not worshiped. I want a partner not a master and my lover must first be my friend. Trust is paramount therefore transparency and honesty are essential to the success of the relationship. I have a distaste for the judgmental and therefore I make every effort to not finalize my opinions. (Side note we all have and form opinions based on the information we receive, passing judgment settles that opinion as the absolute and usually requires some convincing to change. It also colors your responses and closes your mind.)

Now on to why I am a cynic! People are inherently selfish and when you love them adequately no matter how much they love you back they want everything and because they haven’t been asked for much they are thrown off by demands. I really don’t get people most of the time anyway. I believe in the power of people doing things for good but I see so many devious efforts at kindness that I am jaded.

Because I live free of motives, I am constantly told that I am naive, which as I keep on living I realize may be true. I want to live life louder and love harder I am just uninterested in the lack of reciprocation. I can not change this plan, so I am planning a trip to Eat & Pray as for the love thing I think I am good. I wonder if by definition I am not a cynic. Hmmm?