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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Today I attended my weekly writing class and I have to honestly say that the learning is so organic and rich in it's teaching. I want to be so much better than I have ever been. I am so open to the world and I am excited about what that means to my future and what it changes about my present moments. The other day I posted on Facebook that I was in search of a beautiful experience. I am learning that I get it every day! What have you looked at recently and saw beauty in?

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Get to Happy

Lately I have been surprised by my own happiness. If you have ever been in a place of deep depression then you can understand. Depression becomes like your old familiar friend a warm blanket of despair that if you stay depressed long enough in a sick way comforts you with its familiarity. One of my main reasons for starting this blog was to help me and women like me learn ways to keep their sanity and save that special part of themselves for them. I want you to know that being happy is not an effort requiring activity. I thought when I was depressed that you had to work on being happy that it was like love. You had to choose it then fight to protect it. WRONG! As a very happy person I am pleased to inform you that it is easy. While I have a mountain of concerns and hundreds of things I want to accomplish I am okay with the time it is going to take me to get there. I forgive myself for my mistakes and endure the hardships that they cause with a quiet smile. I am at peace with my life and like The Apostle Paul I am content whether I be abased or whether I abound. I understand why I was so depressed for so long. I can do things with a clear head that I never would have dreamed of before. Case and point I recently attended a Writer’s Conference in New York City. I flew there alone and with very little money, by New York standards I was broke. All the same I went happy for the opportunity afforded me and grateful that I would have the opportunity to learn more about my craft. I had the time of my life. I even saw Angela Bassett and Samuel L. Jackson live and in person! The performance spoke to me and the people I met were outstanding! I made new friends and stood in lines and waked the streets of Harlem. I enjoyed life in a way that I never thought about before. I was open! I never realized how uptight I was until now. Get to Happy for yourself and don’t worry it is easy to stay there!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Saving Some For Yourself: The L Factor

Saving Some For Yourself: The L Factor: OKAY! (Yes I meant to yell) Here is my latest problem with female relationships. While it is a plague of the human existence that dates back...

The L Factor

OKAY! (Yes I meant to yell) Here is my latest problem with female relationships. While it is a plague of the human existence that dates back to the first family of creation I want to call it out JEALOUSY!!!! I believe in definitions so let me share with you my new philosophy defined by me. I will close with a real life example that ticked me off to the extreme that I can’t seem to let it go! The Lesbian Factor: also referred to as the The L Factor for short ~ When a woman develops a friendship with another woman and something happens in her mind that she begins to feel entitled to a certain level of attention and support that requires the friend to forego other relationships in order to appease this friend. When said woman loses sight of the barriers and begins to think of the friendship as an exclusive opportunity; an occurrence that causes women to be angry and feel jealousy towards other women that share a relationship with their friends that they are not privy to. It is called The L Factor because this is normal for lesbian women in a relationship, but it becomes a matter of lunacy for friendships. For extreme cases see “Single White Female” or more modern examples “the roommate”. To explain my furry here is a little background on me: I am a loving person to the people I love. I am a kisser, hugger, rubber; you name it I pack on the love! These deep and meaningful displays of emotion are highly reserved only for people that I love and I mean love for real! If I do not know you personally I will speak to you and keep it moving. I do not hug strangers unless I am struck with some deep conviction to like them, immediately. It is a spirit thing. O and I blow kisses! I think loving people is a lost art. At the same time I am a stone cold all caps B****! Yes I said it, because I am. This word is used to refer to me by anyone that does not know me. Primarily because I don’t care to know them. I don’t seek friends or lovers. When people or for me we find each other and are the better for it. That is how I see it. I am my favorite person so I have a confidence that intimidates most women and some men, and that’s for real! So now that you have the basics on me here is the story and my point. What I would love for you (the reader) to do is comment with your own story of maybe where you have had a friend or been the friend with “The L Factor”! We are planning to pursue this towards a documentary so come on ladies be honest. Just recently a dear and close friend of mine was in a car accident. Our relationship is unique from most because while we love, pray for, encourage and check one another, but we are not on the phone all the time or together once a week. We do not require daily maintenance, but we are always there for the other in time of trouble, but we do both have friends that need constant attention and we do our best in those relationships. Forgive my digress. The night before this accident she and I were out hanging and partying, and did I mention she is my stylist? Well she is so after cocktails we run to the salon. She makes be beautiful then heads to karaoke. I mention that we were together because it becomes relevant to the stupid later. So while in church I see that I have missed a call that presumed to be from her because she was supposed to join me in service. As I am leaving later I listen to the message from her sister that informs me that around 7:30 that AM my friend has wrapped her car around a pole. Not because she continued drinking but she was in a curve and it started raining, and she had no idea that when you hit water, release the brake and hold the steering wheel steady! Remember that if you are ever in an accident, the brakes are your enemy! The joy that I picked the phone up with that Sunday afternoon drained from my spirit. All I wanted was a laugh about how she had overslept. I knew that she wasn’t so messed up that she couldn’t drive. Trust me this girl could drink, drive a stick and slather makeup to perfection. When I arrive at the hospital she is fully intact. I am told that nothing is broken, and when I see the car I know that nothing more than God’s grace has saved my friend. I was so happy that she was going to be fine that upon seeing her to avoid tears I kissed her. I kissed her hands and her head, her eyes, her swollen wrist. I spoke to her gently and told her that I loved her and that I was grateful that God had kept her alive and whole and intact. I even thanked God as I kissed her. I cared little for who else was there. So while I am celebrating my friend’s miracle her “L Factor” friend is in the hall blaming me, saying that this is my fault and she hates me and blah, blah, blah! Her goal was to have me evicted from my friend’s room. Her anger kindled to the point that after leaving the hospital she did not return and grew even angrier when I answered a call she made to the room the next day, and she did not comeback to visit our friend because I was there. In my opinion that was when hating me because I don’t need to talk to you went to far. Other people’s opinion of me is never my business and so when women hate I let them, but where does it end? Sidebar: The friend and I are casual, I think she is fake, but I don’t care enough to bring it up and therefore we speak. I don’t initiate conversation and when we are thrust into one I try to be cordial, but I have never pretended that I want to be her friend, because I don’t. I have never accepted her phone number because we have nothing to talk about. While we have similar life experience, I know what it means to love myself.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I don’t know about you, but I have heard so many men talk about how important it is for them to tell their daughters how beautiful, smart and loved they are. While I have an equal conviction for teaching our sons that they are capable and good-looking and brilliant, I believe it must be done in tandem. It is a fact that our children learn how to react to the world based on how we treat them. I did not intend this to be preachy but for all of the fathers, mother, parents, and awesome people that honor me with their time here I just want to say to you that your child is an intelligent person and that they are capable of an intelligent conversation. If you have failed to be what they needed, then they know that and I suggest you swallow your pride or embrace your insecurities by going to them and asking a question: What do you need from me? It is as simple as that and be open and accepting to their answer. Now before you embrace the children and even if you do not have a child to embrace then do this for me. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful. I don’t describe beauty as good looks but more as a testament to who and what you are. Beauty is more external than internal. It is about the gift that has been cultivated on the inside of you. Are you making your world better one person at a time? Are you growing in your understanding of how to love and how to be a contributor to as much as your receive from the universe? Reaching greater mental and emotional strengths is how you cultivate your beauty in my own opinion. Finally my point is that I want you to be lost in the beauty of your smile. Take a few minutes today to love yourself. If you don’t like who you are then change yourself one step at a time and love every minute of it. Reward yourself with your own adoration and praise. Sit alone in a room without your cell phone, turn the TV off and check with you. Listen to your own thoughts as you do the conversation of others and when you are there celebrate yourself. Be happy that you have you. Stop for a moment and swell with pride that you are alive and working towards your goals! You didn’t die you are here and that is worthy of rejoicing over! You deserve love, unconditional, beautiful, celebratory, fulfilling love. My grandmother used to say that charity (love) begins at home. So because you deserve this life changing love, give it to yourself. Trust yourself you are capable of loving without limits.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Getting Back to You

As I began my day, I am reminded that I have a lot to do. I have a handicap. The more I have to do the less I feel like doing! I want to step away from the laptop and land softly on my bed, then sleep until it all somehow either gets done r doesn’t matter anymore. For people who know my past this was lazy not sadness. Why is it so easy to allow ourselves to be distracted from us? It is vital to get back to you so that you focus on what’s important to you. Well I have Five Ways To Get Back To You! 1. Allow yourself a few moments of silence. I have found that when I am really mentally and emotionally messed up I can’t be still. I am running away from the thoughts in my head at record speed. A sign of good mental health is that you are able to sit in a room and do nothing. Cut the TV off and sit still, if you are not emotionally changed you might be all right. 2. Save for something you really want for you and buy it. One saving teaches you patience and having it brings you joy. I got a pair of shoes that I sit up on the counter because they make me smile. 3. Evaluate the people in your life. If they aren’t adding, subtract them! Period! If they have a stronghold on you start praying and canceling plans. You will be better at taking care of the people in your life if you use all of your energy to focus on loving and taking care of the people that reproduce your seeds of love in your life. 4. Learn how to Say No! Do you want to do it? If it is going to inconvenience you, are you okay with the inconvenience? These are vital questions to ask yourself and answer honestly. People are wired to want more than they give. So you have to decide what you want to give and what you need in return. 5. Live in the Truth. I am a fan of brutal honesty. My motto in life is that the truth hurts less than a lie in the long run. It takes bravery to be honest. You have to be willing to accept the unfortunate circumstances of truth and the negative emotions of being honest. Now the above list is for people that are healthy, that love themselves and are capable of making wise decisions. Getting it Done still requires the discipline and activity against the other stuff! Win at all Costs, Tia

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Go With It - Introduction

I have been using this blog to rant, but I want to be specific for this year. Primarily, because I have come to a place that I am so grateful to be in, I am happy. For years I thought if I could just leave certain people out of my life and make my own choices then I will be happy. Well I am here and it is everything I knew it would be. I am calm in the midst of my storm. My faith is renewed and my patience is refreshed. I hear God through a clear spirit and I can accomplish things that seem like too much.

I want to give a shout out to Bishop Jakes and I am sending him an offering because that man’s anointing blesses me time and time again. He said some years ago that When you are more than a conqueror then you have not just won, but you have come back from destruction to win! I thank God for being more than a conqueror. I am not a religious person, but I love God with all of me and I am so grateful.

I want to say that this is the year to evaluate self. I want to use this platform to finish my self-awareness book. So together we are going to get through the chapters. So here I am going to give you an introduction to the topic from introduction to final chapter and what I want to accomplish:

The Wholeness Issue! Intro

As women are filled with an enormous wealth of emotions, we love, we hate, we hurt, and we heal. Well I believe that is time that we control the emotions that rule our lives. We need to take back out sanity and strength. This book is all about the way we think. Why we think a man should be calling or texting all day to care? Why we prefer married men and lie to ourselves that we are in love and accept that sharing him is enough? Why we allow our husbands to cheat while all the time pretending like your gut isn’t telling you?

I may never speak to every reason but that is not going to stop me from trying to reach hurting and tired women that need to know that they are not all alone. Single, married, children, no children it doesn’t matter we are female. Womb-man! The reason we are natured to not get a long is because what we need is in each other. What would men really do if we found ourselves and each other in a way that lifted us to unity and friendship and achieving a common purpose? They would realize their inferiorities and their egos would have to decline. Not because we don’t need them or want them, but because our beauty and strength would demand their respect.

By no stretch am I saying that men are the problem and I hope that men can read this and figure out their own relationships and issues. As Oprah says often: “All Pain is the Same.”

Let’s go get Some ________ for ourselves!