This blog is about holding on to a piece of yourself in the midst of caring for the people around you. A few years ago I learned how to handle this task. The thing is I learned in the midst of conditions that later changed. I learned to love me with a job and flat stomach. I loved me with a nice car and cash to spend. I loved me knowing that I wasn’t alone and that My Mae had my back no matter what! I was so indignant with confidence that I thought I had so much to share about being your own woman. Then life changed, and the winds rocked my world.
I am today a woman who has learned that saving something for yourself gets harder as life changes and you lose everything you hold dear. For many years I was always told that the Devil Is A Liar!! And I believe that to be true, but I have learned that because the game has been exposed he has resorted to an even older trick: The truth!
As my mother lay on her death bed unable to clean and care for herself, and depending on me for those things all while being in more pain than I could bear watching her in. Every night after she was clean, fed and asleep for the night I began to go to my car and play the Song Encourage Yourself! As I sat there and faced my reality, knowing that the one person that had loved me through all of my ups and downs was about to leave me. She wouldn’t be there to kiss me or make me a grilled cheese sandwich. No more secret laughter. I was losing my oldest and dearest friend at a time when the whole world seemed to be against me. I had lost everything else. All I had was my health thank God for that. Mentally I could not process a thought. Emotionally I was being shredded; physically I was being worn out. The child that I had sacrificed my own happiness for had decided to leave me so he could in essence “have his way.” My friends had so many problems that mine seemed mute to mention, and if I did they only had “60 seconds” then back to them. I knew that God was keeping me because I was not overwhelmed in the drowning sense. So when the devil came to break me he just made the truth more obvious. I had no job to go to and the time I was spending with my mother was guaranteeing my eviction from my home. I had at that moment nothing tangible. All that mattered was lost or being removed and had no ability to do anything but sneak away to my car and sing this song. I knew in the time I spent in that car crying and choosing to believe God that it was all I had to keep me sane.
Sometimes what you keep for yourself doesn’t seem like much at all. Sometimes the devil isn’t lying when he says you are alone, even when you are surrounded by people that love you more from their heart than to minister to your own. At a time such as this you have to remember what God said about your future. Because I am a firm believer that he does see the end from the beginning and that in the moment of battle you have to know that this may be happening but it isn’t how the story ends! I will never say the devil is accurate but he can be stating the present. So encourage yourself by saying your faith. Say what God told you about your future and settle within yourself that you are ordained to win.
As I write this I believe God for the manifestation of my victory. I expect nothing less. I know for sure that when everything is gone the promise will sustain you.
Thank you for sharing!
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